In the late 80s, when I was just beginning to be involved in the healing ministry, I was invited to New Jersey for a Mass of Healing in a parish church. We had a healing service after the Mass, in which we continued to pray over those who were present. We also prayed over those who stood in proxy for others.

Before the Mass there was a Lady who came to this service and I saw her come into church. She was walking with her crutches, limping and cold, hardly even walking at all.  I invited her to sit down where she would be most comfortable. The aisle was long and I thought it would be too much for her to walk that far; I noticed she was in deep pain. So, she sat in the rear of the church.

During the service I asked everyone to recite with me the prayer of forgiveness slowly, and beg the Lord to heal all their hurts in the past, and sincerely forgive anyone who had hurt them in any way. We went on to pray the prayer of forgiveness asking the Lord to help them forgive others as well as to forgive themselves.

I went to the rear of the church to give the handicapped lady communion and during the healing service I went to pray over her. Lo and behold, after the service, I saw the woman stand up and walk without her crutches. We gave glory to God! Forgiveness heals.

Forgiveness also bears witness that, in our world, love is stronger than sin. Forgiveness is the fundamental condition of the reconciliation of the children of God with their Father and of men with one another (CCC 2844). To forgive is to set prisoners free, and then discover that the prisoner was you.

Forgiveness effects peace, breeds reconciliation, brings closures and restores joy. But the Father also knows how sin destroys, not only the sinner, but marriages, families and communities. Origen says: sin divides, love unites. The remedy is the Sacrament of Reconciliation and prayer that brings the grace of mercy and love to empower the unforgiver to forgive. What a beautiful gift!.

The sin of unforgiveness is not a sin isolated in itself. It’s a grave sin that even the scriptures are emphatic about, i.e., if you don’t forgive, neither will the heavenly Father forgive you. In the early Christian tradition, there was an experience of Christians omitting this part of the prayer…as we forgive those who trespass against us…when they recited the Our Father.

Unforgiveness is, in the first place, a refusal to love. Unforgiveness is tied with other tentacles or derivatives. It may not necessarily be the main problem. It can be tied to negativity, control, anger, revenge, the will to punish, grudges, hate, stubbornness, sloth, pride and bitter roots. Somehow this unforgiveness is an expression of bitter roots that were started from the beginning, and if not healed, will continue to pester and create new troubles when triggered. Sin blinds.

There was a leader in a community who was surrounded with circumstances of intrigues, gossip and misinformation. These conditions were the main course of the week.  In other words, the house was in chaos around his leadership. The big trouble came when he sided with one person over the other. Taking sides made the person he sided with feel important; she felt exonerated and affirmed that she was right, and that the other person whom she accused of treating her badly was wrong.

But that was not the end of it. The leader was waiting for the other, who supposedly maltreated the person he sided with, to ask for forgiveness. It never came so he became more mad, angry and bitter. They organized a forum to resolve the issue. It was too late. Stubbornness set in.

The inability to change your choices from the negative to positive perceptions; anger to peace; the will to punish, to the will to forgive; leads you to conclude that such will power is weak. The inability to make peace and keep peace among the opposing sides, to unity and reconciliation, makes you think that the mind is blinded to our role of Christians as instruments of reconciliation and peace.

There is bondage when the person is not free to exercise his freewill, when caught in the evil and spirit of pride and unforgiveness, and when issues of anger and bitterness in the past are not resolved.

The word fore-giveness is implied: “fore”-giveness is to give forgiveness to others be-“fore” you even ask for an apology or forgiveness. Jesus did not wait for an apology or forgiveness from those who crucified, abused, maligned, ridiculed or rejected him. He prayed: “Father, forgive them.”

Forgive for your own sake if you want to have peace of heart and peace of mind.

There was Kim who was a very happy husband and father. He lost his job. It was a big trauma for him. He became depressed and for four years he suffered from it. Every day, he would just sit before the TV while his wife was working. She needed to work for their children to eat. He used to bring the kids to school, to church and to sports, but now he did neither. Nor did he pray or go to Church. He lost his zeal, energy and enthusiasm about life. It was hard and stressful for the wife and children.

Meanwhile, what about his wife, children and God?
He was idle. He neglected his family. He lost his zeal, his faith and trust, hope and confidence, compassion and love. He was angry with those who fired him from the job. He took it out on his family. The family suffered from his depression and anger.  

How do you resolve such a situation? Forgiveness and acceptance! Forgiveness of oneself, heals the guilt, the anger inwards; forgiveness of others, heals hostility, the anger outwards.

Sin is in the level of the spirit. Hence, the remedy for sin is forgiveness in sacramental confession and through prayers.

Bless the Lord O my soul….who pardons all my sins…. He heals all my ills. (PS 103:3) The Sacrament of Penance is Jesus’ touch of our wounded-ness, our guilt, our shame and fears. The Sacrament of Penance is a sacrament of healing.

Father, forgive us our sins. It is either that the emphasis is on: “forgive us” or “forgive our sins.” The emphasis on forgiving us of our sins gives us the power to forgive others. The emphasis on “Father forgive our sins” teaches us that it is a given that the Father loves us sinners. But for us, it is not automatic to love sinners. So we say, “as we forgive those who trespass against us”. This prayer teaches us to forgive the sin and the sinner. As St. Augustine says: love the sinner, hate the sin.

We must, however, distinguish pardon from forgiveness. Forgiveness involves attitude toward your offender.  You no longer hate him nor wish him harm, but you desire God’s best for him, which certainly requires repentance and restitution on his part towards God, you and others.

You can forgive but you cannot pardon. The person stands guilty before God and all. He will stand in punishment. Pardon is the release from legal penalties of an offense by someone who has jurisdiction to do so.

But forgiveness is very difficult. Revenge seems to be more the behavior people take.  Forgiveness is a key component in almost every healing discipline. When we open our heart to forgive, forgiveness can heal our very lives. Forgiving is the perfect giving of oneself. The doctrine of forgiveness has been called the greatest therapeutic idea in the world.

Take a look at the following statements. Do a self-inventory regarding your thoughts on forgiveness.

Forgiving Myself

• A way for me to be answered by prayer.
• A choice to make me better, not bitter.
• A gift to myself.
• A key to healing when I get stuck in anger, hurt or resentment.
• An empowerment when I am accepting of God’s mercy and love.
• An investment I need to commit to.
• A freedom from my own unforgiveness.
• A resolution to heal my poor self-image.
• A result of my discovery of the need for honesty and acceptance of my imperfection.

Forgiving God

• A way to reconcile with God by admitting  my anger towards him first.
• An acceptance that anything is possible when motivated by love of God.
• A channel for me to be a better receiver of God’s promise of life.
• A recognition that God rules in me rather than a master who rules me from above.
• A way out for me to unlock the obstacles that God wants to fill in me.

Forgiving Others

• A way of resolving my blaming, faultfinding and judging attitudes.
• A release from my own bondage or imprisonment.
• A way of untying myself from the thong that holds me bound.
• A way of by-passing a heart so the circulation of love might be restored.
• A way to give life, new energy and new growth in relationships.
• A way to prepare for vulnerability, a strength to face new hurts.
• A way to change myself not others.
• A way of living infinite mercy by forgiving the same person 7 x 70 times.
• A way to help me discover about myself and others.
• To forgive not from the outside in, but from the inside out. I hold the key within.
• It is the best choice for eternity; obstinacy is a bad choice, it leads to misery.

Forgiveness is

• A way of loving.
• Accepting people without any unrealistic expectations of them.
• Going beyond the problem, it respects the dignity of the other.
• Like loving, the more I forgive, the more I am forgiving.
• A way of Christian maturity.
• Not condemning, but a discovery that the person who has hurt me is not any better than I, one who looks like me.
• Proven in bearing adversity and difficulties in relationships.
• A way of closure with the person I am in conflict with.
• A way of saying I forgive because I am forgiven.
• A test of endurance on the cross, experiencing the powerlessness of my being until I find the audacity to accept and recognize the overwhelming power of the Father to forgive better than I do.

 What statement strikes you as most meaningful to you?  What hit home?
Excerpts from Chapter on Forgiveness in the book, When You Pray Say…, by Rev. Michael B. Semana, © 2006.  For more complete coverage of this topic, refer to the book.